Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
please come you make the beer taste better
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
