your parents love me but you hate me
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
