People in love make me want to vomit
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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