I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She needs sedatives and a leash
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
