Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
