Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
