Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
