I heard we made out
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
