I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
