So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
