You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize