I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize