you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
