Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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