Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
