I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
