what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
