I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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