you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
