i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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