So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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