Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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