i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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