He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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