Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
