i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i came on her dog
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
