Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize