We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
