I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I AM VODKA MAN
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
