her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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