I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
