with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
