It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
