dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
