[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
