dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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