my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
