Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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