what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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