I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
