you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
