The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
