highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
