I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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