Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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