dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
