So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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