it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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