Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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