I just cut my nipple shaving
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
