Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
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from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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