I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
