I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
