Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
