for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
