she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize