ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
