So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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